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Greek film Pity is about a monstrosity in the Mediterranean Babis Makridis’ Pity starts with an establishing shot of a Greek city, most likely Athens. The spotless sunshine and unspoilt azure make it postcard-perfect, especially for a dream life after retirement. What could go wrong in this slice of heaven? Yet, in the next scene, a middle-aged man (Yannis Drakopoulos) is crying his heart out on the side of his bed. His reasons for sorrow are perfectly valid, as they emerge a few moments later. His wife (Evi Saoulidou) is in a coma after a car accident, and her chances seem slim. Before we learn this, we see him in front of his door in the morning, waiting for someone. The bell rings, and it turns out to be a sweet neighbour who brings him a Bundt cake for sympathy. It’s not only the dessert he’s eager for. He’s got a taste of the pathos behind it. Like a tiger who slurps blood and can’t wait to sip more, our man, too, keeps prowling about for pity, wherever he can find it. And you know what happens when a tiger runs out of the meat they’ve been feasting on. What’s as interesting as the film’s concept is its setting. A gangster city would have kept our lawyer friend—yep, that’s what he is—on his toes, even through the night. But then Greece boasts some envyingly low crime rates. The man’s handling only one case—a middle-aged brother-sister duo losing their dad to a killer with a yellow bike. No wonder our nameless protagonist leaves and reaches home on the dot. A chock-a-block schedule could have impeded his tiger-like search for the titular reaction. The quest for sympathy is a normal human tendency, so the first half of the film feels relatable. But then how many times has our pity party lasted enough to reach extreme limits? Rarely. Because life happens. So does work. Amping up the lawyer’s sympathy-seeking behaviour to horrific extremes feels a bit too much. The tonal shift from comic to macabre, while terrifying, comes across as an exercise pandering to the festival circuit. (Plus, why use tear gas when you can chop onions to make yourself cry?) But the what-if scenario seems strangely plausible with the mere choice of location. And thank heavens the disturbing climax wound up quickly to make way for a lighter but open ending. The last bit felt good—like karma catching up. Pity makes the case for a better occupation of the mind, using a dark, twisted plot. Instead of #StaySad, the mantra should be to #StayBusy. Watch it if morbid comedies float your boat. See the trailer here: Watched Pity at a MAMI screening in 2018. The film is currently unavailable for streaming on any Indian platform.

What I think of the Tiger Zinda Hai trailer Twenty-five Indian nurses are held hostage in Iraq. Only one man can save them. He can kick a**, blaze guns, perform death-defying stunts as if it’s his family business. Casting Salman Khan as the failproof action hero is never a mistake. The action sequences look brilliantly shot—so do the locations. Salman has a screen presence that is swashbuckling, endearing, and dashing—all at the same time. So, we’ve found our movie of the year, right? Wrong. Unfortunately, all is not well with Tiger Zinda Hai’s trailer, and I’m worried about a few things. Firstly, the villain. I couldn’t make out who it was. Nobody in the clip looked menacing enough that I could point him out as the bad guy. In contrast, Neerja was Jim Sarbh’s debut flick and evil was so clearly written all over his face that I instantly knew he was playing a negative character. Maybe bringing Jim on board would have been a better idea. Next, how high are the stakes for Tiger? What’s his own story in this? What does he stand to lose if he’s unsuccessful in this mission? Superman saves the day, but the main story in his films is always connected to his personal life. These questions haven’t been answered in the trailer, so I hope the movie addresses them. And finally, Katrina Kaif. She doesn’t seem to have much to offer to the story, so she better have a solid reason to even be in the movie in the first place. Also, what’s wrong with her cheeks? The stakes might not be high for Tiger, but they’re definitely high for Salman after Tubelight’s dark run at the box office. If TZH does well, he might dethrone Aamir Khan as Bollywood’s own Santa Claus. And for that to happen, he needs to do more than just kick a** and blaze guns. Watch the trailer here:

Trailer review: Tumhari Sulu A few years ago, in a newspaper interview, actor Lara Dutta was asked to name her favourite comic actress (or something to that effect—neither do I remember, nor has Google been very helpful). Her answer seemed immediate: Sridevi. Dutta added that she couldn’t think of any other female actor after the Mr. India diva who could pull off comedy like a queen. While we did have Kareena Kapoor tickle our funny bone in Jab We Met and the Golmaal series and Kangana Ranaut leave us in splits in Queen and Tanu Weds Manu Returns, they didn’t really bring everything to the table. What we as an audience were seeking was versatility, range, consistency, and a certain kind of energy—elements that set Sridevi apart from her contemporaries as well as successors. And then the trailer for Tumhari Sulu dropped, starring Vidya Balan. While Balan scores full marks in experimentation with roles over the years, it’s a pity that she never got a cinematic platform to showcase her comic talent successfully. Especially when her showbiz debut was Hum Paanch, a crazy sitcom that ruled primetime television in the 90s. Her role as the nerdy, clumsy Radhika Mathur had every ingredient to make us ROFL. No wonder her untapped humour potential in films so far has been disheartening. (You may counter with Ghanchakkar, Shaadi Ke Side Effects, and Bobby Jasoos. While I admit I haven’t viewed any of them, I don’t think any of her roles in these are memorable or mention-worthy, and she certainly deserves better.) Tumhari Sulu, however, offers hope. As a simple homemaker who moonlights as a seductive late-night RJ, Balan is not just perfect—she’s irreplaceable. She stands out on her own while also complementing everyone else in the film, including a comparatively glammed-up Neha Dhupia (perfectly cast, but what’s with her eyebrows?). Balan is such a delight in the trailer that I forgave the sudden switch in her RJ accent, plus her moments with her on-screen husband (Manav Kaul) that appear a bit too stretched. The Sridevi throwback is unmistakable, with the remixed version of Hawa Hawaii (so peppy and foot-tapping) and the saree-waving celebratory mode reminiscent of English Vinglish. The jokes could be much better, but it’s just a trailer, so we can give it a benefit of the doubt. And the sudden dramatic twists really made me sit up. Tumhari Sulu is an important film for not just Balan but also anyone and everyone who loves a good laugh. We could really do with a comedy queen in this day and age, and that’s why the movie needs to work. Else, there’s always Radhika Mathur. And Sridevi. Here’s the official trailer:

Pray that he’s never part of your workplace Warning: Spoilers ahead. Wish schools had taught us how to prepare for job interviews. Thankfully, we have YouTube now. But there was another medium we would rely on for our preparations. Movie scenes. Raju Rastogi’s (Sharman Joshi) blunt exchange with a campus-recruitment panel in Rajkumar Hirani’s 3 Idiots inspired our responses in many a grilling interview, plus a scene in my book PiKu & ViRu. (Buy/download, read, and review it here—it’s FREE on Kindle Unlimited!) In complete contrast was Ram Prasad Sharma (Amol Palekar) being vetted by Bhavani Shankar (Utpal Dutt) in Gol Maal, the 1979 blockbuster by Hrishikesh Mukherjee. Unlike Raju, Ram provides only those answers that Bhavani wants to hear. He even clads himself in an uncomfortably short kurta-pyjama, a far cry from his bell-bottoms lifestyle, simply because Bhavani detests Western attires. Ram Prasad is duly trained and advised for this moment by his uncle (David), who’s Bhavani’s childhood friend. This head-start gives Ram an unfair advantage over other candidates who have no means to find out about Bhavani’s whims and fancies. The uncle also insists Ram Prasad woo Bhavani’s daughter, Urmila (Bindiya Goswami). Ram Prasad does everything he can to impress his boss. He reports early and leaves late, despite company rules that nobody would be paid overtime. His work is spot-on, but so is his sycophancy game. It is this game he plays to bail himself out when Bhavani sights him at a hockey match during work hours, by concocting a cock-and-bull story about an evil twin. And the rewards: a job offer for his non-existent twin, apart from a monthly salary and conveyance allowance for his own self, and of course, Urmila as wife (the love story forms another hilarious track altogether—not the focus of this post). Gol Maal, as a movie, does a clever job at making us feel all the empathy for Ram Prasad, despite the b*****d he is. We want him to win at any cost, without realising that such blokes are responsible for instilling unhealthy workplace competition (as my Dad put it once while we were watching the film for perhaps the 198th time). The Hrishikesh Mukherjee film completely sidelines the other employees in Bhavani’s office, who most likely are juggling their jobs with other priorities in life and have more on their minds than sucking up to their boss. One of the few other coworker characters to make it to the screen is Bade Babu (Yunus Parvez), the nasal-hair-pulling clerk, who isn’t wrong in approaching his workload at his own pace. However, the smartly designed plot makes it easy to perceive him as a slow-walking, lazy dimwit when pitted against the ‘bright and diligent’ Ram Prasad. I wouldn’t blame Ram Prasad alone for this twisted office environment, though. Bhavani’s unreasonable—and even eccentric—criteria for his employees (that they should be moustached and focused only on accountancy, without being into sports, arts, or other hobbies) make him a soft target for such sycophants, instead of the honest candidates we see at the beginning who were simply being themselves. Given the high unemployment rates in the 1970s, Ram Prasad couldn’t really afford to let go of this job. Little wonder he tries to save his a** by bringing up a fake twin brother when Bhavani confronts him about the hockey match. Thus, for Ram, the interview isn’t like dating—to find out whether the job is a right fit for him and the other way round. It becomes a do-or-die challenge he has to ace to bag the good life. Gol Maal turns out to be a comical journey of a movie where one man learns to embrace differences in the end. But in reality, we all deserve a happy, peaceful life, which consists of a stimulating time at work, complete with an inclusive, understanding environment. So, if you’re rejected for a job just because you were as honest as Raju, not for being the wrong fit, thank your stars. Your potential boss could likely have been a Bhavani, and where there is a Bhavani, there has to be a Ram Prasad, and you don’t want to find yourself in their midst. You can watch Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s Gol Maal on Amazon Prime Video or YouTube.

Historic, yes; memorable, not really A Sanjay Leela Bhansali movie isn’t a Sanjay Leela Bhansali movie if it’s devoid of OTT. It’s the same amount of OTT and epicness I always look forward to adding to my work. (Buy/download, read, and review my first book, PiKu & ViRu, here—it’s FREE on Kindle Unlimited!) So, when the official trailer for Padmaavat was out, I was expecting the same amount of grandeur that had painted the canvases of Devdas and Bajirao Mastani. However, after the 3-minute-10-second clip ended, I was left grossly disappointed. Not only does the film look underwhelming in the special-effects department, especially compared to Bajirao Mastani. It also lacks the signature Bhansali opulence that has come to define his movies over the years. There aren’t any memorable one-liners too. Ranveer Singh looks menacing, but I wonder if it’s too much for one negative character. It’s like every permutation and combination of evil has been thrown into just one role. The worst part is that Deepika Padukone, who plays the titular character, fades into the background in front of the two leading men, never mind her elegant attire, beauty, and grace. The best thing about the clip was Shahid Kapoor. He’s brought an understated, calming quality that is soothing to the senses in an otherwise intense trailer. All I can do is hope that the film is devoid of these issues. While there’s no doubt Padmaavat is going to rule the box office, given the dry spell in Hindi cinema this year, and possibly even pick up the Best Film trophy at numerous award shows, it still needs to be perfect to write history the way it wants to. Here’s the trailer:

Rab is in the research Just like how a building needs a foolproof architectural blueprint for construction, a film relies on a script—and a solid, thumpin’ one at that. The 2017 movie Jab Harry Met Sejal, helmed by dreamy director Imtiaz Ali and starring the charismatic Shah Rukh Khan and bubbly Anushka Sharma, flouted this very pillar of filmmaking. The result: a box-office disaster and a cinematic embarrassment. Had some thought been given to ironing out the chinks in the plan, Jab Harry Met Sejal would have been a sound success, if not a roaring blockbuster. Even a basic Google search would have sufficed to start with. Here’s a list of keywords the makers should have at least punched into a search engine before launching into ‘Action’. Pickpocketing situation in Europe In the Imtiaz Ali-directed Jab Harry Met Sejal, Sejal claims to know where her lost ring is, despite the opposite being true. She refuses to believe it could have been stolen. In a facepalm-worthy sequence, she searches for it out in the open on one of Amsterdam’s busiest streets after almost a month of losing it! Brilliant. BTW, Amsterdam also forms the setting for a crucial scene in my book PiKu & ViRu. (Buy/download, read, and review it here now—it's FREE on Kindle Unlimited!) Police telephone numbers in Europe The word ‘police’ wasn’t mentioned even once in the film. Talk about believable plots. How tour operators function Team JHMS definitely hasn’t heard of the line, “We are not responsible for loss, damage, or theft of luggage or personal belongings.” As a tour guide whose job was done, Harry was under no obligation to find Sejal’s ring for her. So what if Sejal’s family trusted only Harry? Every tour operator has strict rules, guidelines, and policies, but who cares about them when you have to make a movie? Travel insurance for jewellery If Rupen, Sejal’s fiancé, is a sensible guy, he must have tried to back the ring with some insurance policy. Even if he couldn’t for some legit reason, the film should have spelled it out. Nevertheless, his suggestion that Sejal should stay back in Europe and find the ring anyhow—vis-à-vis accompanying her, or better, letting it go—clearly screams ‘douchebag’. Amsterdam country location Despite a month-long tour of Europe with her fam, Sejal asks Harry whether Amsterdam is in France! You know why? Just because he was listening to a French song on his car radio, not Dutch. I’m surprised the tourism boards of Amsterdam and the Netherlands haven’t yet taken offence at Sejal’s stupidity. Also, does Sejal really know French and Dutch, despite her claims of having studied the former language in school? Best Gujarati actresses There’s no doubt they’d have done a far better job than Anushka. I wonder why the casting directors never considered Disha Vakani, a.k.a. Dayaben from Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashma, for starring opposite Shah Rukh Khan in the movie. She’d have been way more apt. No denying, though, that she dodged a bullet. Besides, I just couldn’t buy Anushka’s Gujarati accent. I just couldn’t. How to know if you’re being led on One moment, Sejal cuddles with Harry on a bed. In another, she says she has to go back to Rupen. And in between, she pulls Harry into a room to have sex with him. Wish Harry realised he was being strung along; he wouldn’t have ended up as an emotional fool. How to develop high self-esteem If wishing you get kidnapped because it means your abductors find you “hot” isn’t low self-esteem, we don’t know what else is. And the film should have taken Sejal from this low-self-worth personality to a highly self-actualised being. Unfortunately, she remains determinedly unchanged, and so does our boredom and lack of emotional investment. Best self-defence strategies There’s a nightclub scene in Jab Harry Met Sejal where Sejal beats up and smashes a guy who hits on her. When a crowd gathers around him, including a bunch of goons, Sejal simply stands there and watches the show. But the worst part is when she calls out to Harry and doesn’t do anything, as if he’s her slave who’s meant to get her out of such messes. It’s only when he drags her out that she attempts to run. Even outside, when Harry tells her to stay quiet, as one of the goons was around, she bawls at the top of her lungs like a jerk. I so wanted to smash the writer here, but then I realized it’s Imtiaz Ali, so I made do with #WTF. How to run away from selfish, entitled people Instead, Harry falls for Sejal. *Slow claps* Scriptwriting for dummies What was sorely needed but what never happened in this Anushka Sharma- and Shah Rukh Khan-starring movie. RIP, Jab Harry Met Sejal.

A sign of good times, actually Visualise this: You’ve admired this actor, model, cricketer, or filmmaker all your life. Just like PiKu’s fandom for ViRu in my book PiKu & ViRu. (Buy/download/read/review it here—it’s FREE on Kindle Unlimited!) Suddenly, fate brings you face-to-face with your idol at an event, during a flight, or on a serendipitous Zoom call. You’re nervous AF, yet you muster the courage to talk to them and tell them how huge a fan you are of their work. But your dream conversation is cut short. The celeb simply refuses to acknowledge you, forget replying to your ‘Hi’. You’re heartbroken—thoroughly embarrassed, too. What are you going to tell your friends and family about this person? You fear coming across as a clown if you admit the truth. Yet, your conscience doesn’t permit you to lie about the incident and let this celeb get away with what they’ve done. What do you do in this case? Here’s some expert help from yours truly, who’s a pro at being celebrity-snubbed. Accept that it happened Don’t worry about coming across as egoistic. Don’t try to brush off the incident as the celebrity having a bad day. Permit yourself to feel sad and angry. It’s human to do so. Snubbing is not cool, no matter how busy that person is or how bad a day they’re having, period! Take them off your life Remember how you threw your ex out of your life post-breakup? It’s the same drift. Tear the celebrity’s posters off your wall, unfollow them on social media, refuse to watch their movies or matches. This is your way of saying, “I won’t let you get away with it.” Work harder than them Take your celeb-snubbing incident as a sign that the universe wants you to become a bigger, better person. So, go write that book, audition for that role, pen down that screenplay, learn that foreign language, start that company you’ve been dreaming about. Use these 50 business lessons from celebrated chef and TV host Anthony Bourdain’s bestselling book Kitchen Confidential as a guide. Even if that celebrity doesn’t come to you for an autograph, selfie, or *gloat gloat* work, you’ve still done something more worthwhile with your time. Laugh it off Instead of indulging in face-saving behaviour, just embrace your comic self and tell the world you were snubbed by this megastar. You’ll up your cool quotient this way. But don’t tag them on social media Burning bridges is never an option. Imagine facing this particular celebrity for a job interview after you’ve roasted them on Twitter (or perhaps even been blocked by them), especially if it’s a lucrative once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don’t stop meeting more celebs Of course, you’re justified in switching celeb loyalties, but don’t let one incident hold you back from approaching other people. The celeb world is a huge pool, and you’ll easily find plenty of politer, better-mannered folks in it. Ruin their auditions If the devil in you is still itching to do something, here’s a sneaky tip inspired by the popular 90s sitcom Hum Paanch. (I know it’s a problematic show, but this one could be worth some mischief, hehe.) If you can, find out where your heartbreaker star is trying their luck for their next gig or assignment, and show up—with a bagful of tamarinds. Suck on the tamarinds in front of the celeb when they begin saying their lines. You can safely bet they won’t be able to make it past the first line without stammering, and your job will be done. Personally, I don’t endorse this suggestion, so it’s just an idea, nothing more. Write about it Do you think this post came from a random chain of thoughts? Not at all! This was within an hour of a real-life incident. What was supposed to have been a film review and a selfie with this celeb is now a genuine embrace for every friend who’s been through this obnoxiousness but could never talk about it. You could also write a comedy sketch on your experience, upload the clip on YouTube and see yourself becoming a stand-up sensation! Or depict your tragedy in a cartoon strip. Or write a book, like how I did. As they say, turn your broken heart into a piece of art. Refer to this cheat sheet to mine content ideas from such life incidents and more. Have you ever been snubbed by someone famous? How did you react to it? Let us know in the comments.