11 Google searches that could have saved Jab Harry Met Sejal
Updated: Nov 16, 2018
Research is GOD
Just like how a building needs a foolproof architectural blueprint for construction, a film relies on a script–and a solid, thumpin’ one at that. The recently released Jab Harry Met Sejal, helmed by dreamy director Imtiaz Ali and starring the charismatic SRK and the bubbly Anushka Sharma, flouted this very pillar of filmmaking. The result: a box-office disaster and a cinematic embarrassment. Had some thought been given to ironing out the chinks in the plan, JHMS would have been a sound success, if not a roaring blockbuster. Even a basic Google search would have sufficed to start with. Here’s a list of keywords the makers should have at least punched into a search engine before launching into ‘Action’:
1. Pickpocketing situation in Europe
In a continent notorious for petty thefts, if your valuable goes missing, wouldn’t your first instinct be “theft” instead of “ooh, I must have dropped it somewhere so let me go get it”? In the film, Sejal does not even know where her ring is, despite her claims to the contrary. Yet she refuses to believe that it could have been stolen. In a facepalm-worthy sequence, she searches for it out in the open on one of Amsterdam’s busiest streets after almost a month of losing it! Brilliant.
2. Police telephone numbers in Europe The word ‘police’ wasn’t mentioned even once in the film. Talk about believable plots.
3. How tour operators function
Team JHMS haven’t definitely heard of the line, “We are not responsible for loss, damage or theft of luggage or personal belongings.” As a tour guide whose job was done, Harry was under no obligation to find Sejal’s ring for her. Because she was unwilling to budge, he should have reported the matter straight to his employer and sought his intervention, before she could get the chance to blackmail him. And so what if Sejal’s family only trusted Harry? Every tour operator has strict rules, guidelines and policies, but who cares about them when you have to make a movie?
4. Travel insurance for jewellery If Rupen, Sejal’s fiancé, is a sensible guy, he must have tried to back the ring with some insurance policy. Even if he couldn’t for some legit reason, the film should have spelled it out. Nevertheless, his suggestion that Sejal stay back in Europe and find the ring anyhow–vis-à-vis accompanying her, or better, letting it go–clearly screams ‘douchebag’.
5. Population of Amsterdam In one cringeworthy scene set in Amsterdam, Sejal asks Harry whether the city is in France! And you know why? Just because he was listening to a French song on his car radio, not Dutch. Looks like she never really paid attention in any of her guided tours, because every tour guide in Amsterdam will tell you that the city is home to people from 180 nationalities. I’m surprised that the tourism boards of Amsterdam and the Netherlands haven’t taken offence at Sejal’s stupidity. Also, does Sejal know French and Dutch?
6. Best Gujarati actresses
There’s no doubt they’d have done a far better job than Anushka. Besides, I just couldn’t buy her Gujarati accent. I just couldn’t.
7. How to know if you’re being led on
One moment, Sejal cuddles with Harry on a bed; in another, she says she has to go back to Rupen. And in between, she pulls Harry into a room to have sex with him. Wish Harry realized he was being strung along; he wouldn’t have ended up as an emotional fool.
8. How to develop high self-esteem If wishing you get kidnapped because it means your abductors find you “hot” isn’t low self-esteem, we don’t know what else is. And the film should have taken Sejal from this low-self-worth personality to a highly self-actualized being. Unfortunately, she remains determinedly unchanged, and so does our boredom and lack of emotional investment.
9. Best self-defence strategies There’s this nightclub scene in which Sejal beats up and smashes a guy who hits on her. When a crowd gathers around him, including a bunch of goons, instead of running away, Sejal simply stands there and watches the show. What’s worse, she calls out to Harry and still doesn’t do anything. It’s only when he drags her out that she attempts to run. Even outside, when Harry tells her to stay quiet, as one of the goons was around, she bawls on top of her lungs like a jerk. I so wanted to smash the writer here, but then I realized it’s Imtiaz Ali, so I made do with #WTF.
10. How to run away from selfish people
Instead, Harry falls for Sejal. *Slow claps*
11. Scriptwriting for dummies What was sorely needed but never happened. RIP JHMS.